ABOUT

I'm Christina, a nineteen year old girl based in Austria. 

And yes, you may think this is just me, another girl who is going to introduce herself and hopefully getting popular with her blog. 

But let me tell you, you are wrong.

So hello you beautiful reader who is interested to know what my personal intention it was to start writing a blog.

First of all I have to say that I do NOT want to put myself into a special light or say that I am different than anybody else is. I am a normal human being and I was anorexic.

I was anorexic for about one and a half year ago ( in 2014 ) and I still really have to struggle with this horrible illness.

So my intention for this blog was to write down my thoughts during my healing process. Yes I know those of you who have never been in touch with such an disease ( believe me I would never ever wish anybody to go through this ), might say that if you have achieved a normal weight again you are healthy and healed again. But let me tell you, it is not just as simple like that.

So what happened after I got "healed" and survived Anorexia?

I was unhappy, and nothing had changed during the last year. I am still unhappy. Not only because you look at yourself and know this is not you anymore but also because you hate yourself for what you are, what you have become to. The journey out of my anorexic life felt like hell. I know that I can be really proud of myself for that I am still alive. For that I got out of this time and finally out of danger to life, because I gained weight. But that was my problem. I gained weight and I gained weight and I gained weight. I gained even more weight than I had before and I just could not stop eating anymore. So the fear of eating to much switched very fast to a fear of eating not enough. So even though I did not lose my life by death I still had the feeling that I had lost my life anyway. I did not feel myself anymore as I was a very happy, self-confident and sportive girl before. Because I did not look like the girl I was before I got Anorexia I was not able to model anymore. I felt like I was nothing special anymore because I was not thin anymore. And from day to day another reason came up to my mind why I am not myself anymore and why i finally hated myself. 

The journey out of my anorexic life felt like hell, but you know what they say ?

When you are going through hell - keep going.

I am at a point were I want to fight again, and I know that it will definitely be not easy because I thought I was already fighting this year getting my life back together.

I am at a point now were I can say I know what I have to change and I know that I wand to start a new journey.

Valor

Valor is the kind of basic emotion you have to bring with you when you want to start a new journey. But it is not only the valor you have to feel to start, it is the valor of understanding, the valor to finally listen to your body and trust yourself, the valor to be honest and the valor to love yourself again.

All these shades of valor ( and I can tell you there are a lot more than mentioned ) are here to help me. So I will give my best to keep that emotion alive and I will write a diary about my thoughts, about my progress. 

Today is the day I have had the courage to finally sit down and start to share my journey with you through my open diary here. To show you a bit of my world that also includes passions like fashion and art.

So all in all ( and I know I am probably writing way to much here ) I want you to sit down and enjoy reading my blog. Not because I am wearing the coolest heels or the newest collection from Chanel.

No, I want you to read my blog and feel what I feel, and I really hope I can help people out there with my Journey. There is no guaranty that this book of 2016 will have a happy ending, but I have the valor to say : I AM GOING TO BE HAPPY AGAIN !

x, Christina